Colossians 3:20-21 "Parenting With Respect"

Read Colossians 3:20-21.

"Children, obey your parents...." NIV

Ironic, once again, to be writing on this passage today when I have a deadline for our parenting book. I'm trying to set aside the writing project for time to be with the Lord first.

I really want to focus mostly on the "Children/obedience" combo. So much disobedience among our kids today. The "me" generation thinks they know best (also just a product of teenager hormones) and disregard the parent's guidance/rules/directions. They've become so handy with information that they think they've received the wisdom to go with it. Obedience teaches so much more than just doing what you were told. You learn order, authority, wisdom, reason, discipline, submission, humility. I could go on, but I won't because I need to give equal time to verse 21.

Parents often end up frustrating their child through traditional rules (the ones our parents had for us and we blindly establish in our own homes without really thinking through their validity.) We frustrate them with doing exactly what we told them not to do (i.e. we yell, "Stop yelling!") or we start seeing them as commodities/or liabilities instead of human beings.

Both mandates boil down to mutual respect. If a child respects the parent for being the authority that God has placed over them, then they will be obedient. (Of course the parent needs to be living respectably as well. More is caught than taught.) Then the parent needs to treat a child with respect. There is a difference between punishing and disciplining. Yelling, screaming and beating have very different results to calm, firm, and deliberate. Don't get me wrong, I believe in spanking. But it must be done with purpose, not anger. There's a reason for the verse, "Spare the rod, spoil the child." A spoiled child makes for a rebellious future teenager.

Create a family foundation of love and respect fulfilling God's mandates and establishing a peaceful home.

Further Thoughts:

1. Parenting can be a controversial subject - even among believers. Agree with me or disagree? Why? Do you have Scripture to support your viewpoint?
2. I was going to ask, "Does anything need to change in how you parent?" but everyone always has something that can be at the very least tweaked. What area is that for you?
3. Are you being a disobedient child? If yes, why? Is that pleasing to the Lord?
4. Who in the Bible demonstrated a healthy pattern of parenting? What can you emulate from their example?
   

Joseph: Genesis 37:1-4 "Poor Parenting?"

Read Genesis 37:1-4.

"Now Israel loved Joseph more than any of his other sons...." NIV

By now you should know that Jacob, Joseph's father had two wives and two concubines. If you don't know that story, it's worth reading. A lot is revealed about Jacob's character and reasons for his actions just based on how he got his wives and children. (Genesis 29-30).

So since Rachel was always Jacob's first love, and she had such a difficult time bearing him children, and that Rachel dies so early in their marriage, Joseph was Jacob's favorite son. Or maybe Jacob saw a glimpse of who Joseph would be as a man through his character. For whatever reason, Jacob showed Joseph favoritism and he didn't bother to try to hide it from the other sons either. The gift of a colorful, ornamented, fancy robe is not exactly subtle adoration. And that very act of favoritism lead Joseph down a very difficult path in his life. 

I can't imagine favoring one of my children over another. I have so much love and admiration for each of them that it just oozes out of my pores. Now I even have room to love my son-in-law with the same capacity. I can appreciate each of them for their unique gifts and talents, quirks, and idiosyncrasies. They each have their own love language and dreams that I can celebrate with them. Placing one over the other would just diminish the value I have for the others. I have four #1 children in my life, and I thank God every day for each of them.

Although damage was done with Jacob's actions and attitude, we will see later how God used the trials that came to strengthen Joseph and fulfill God's plan.

Further Thoughts:

1. Find Scripture on child rearing. 
   
2. How did Jesus treat children?
   
3. Why did Jacob need the wisdom of Ephesians 6:4?
   
4. What parts of loving described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 did Jacob struggle with?
   
5. What can we learn about parenting from Jacob?
   
6. What harm can we cause in showing favoritism?

Guess this quote describes Jacob for us today. 

"If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning." Catherine Aird

Matthew 19:13-15 "Like a Child"

Read Matthew 19:13-15.

"Let the little children come...." NIV

How often do we devalue the importance of the children in the kingdom of God. They are seen as immature and ignorant of God's ways when in fact they may know the best. As we become older, we develop an arrogance that knowledge and time tend to incubate. And I think that is something we all fight until we die.

I have realized since I started this blog and have been so regularly in the Word, (I also lead a Bible study and write my daughter's Bible curriculum.) that I feel like I know less and less and that my actions and attitudes are simply decrepit. When you sit at the feet of the Almighty day after day, you can't help but see your inadequacies. The difference between a child realizing that and an adult is that a child is okay with there situation. Simple is fine; needy is a regular part of life; dependence is natural. Oh, to be like a child again.

Lord, give me the simple trust and dependence of a child.

Further Thoughts:

1. What children in the Old Testament displayed simple trust in the Almighty? How did God use them?
2. Spend some time sitting and observing a child. What about them would make Jesus say that "the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these?"
3. Ask the Lord to show you how He wants you to be more like a child and ways that you need to stop being like a child.

Ephesians 6:1-4 "Parenting, the Hardest Job You'll Ever Do"

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor your father and mother' -- which is the first commandment with a promise -- 'that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.'" NIV

This is a highly quoted verse -- gotta keep those kids in line. But, unfortunately, as a general rule, I don't see a lot of honoring going on in our society. Kids are so informed and world-wise that they at least can act like they don't need parents. Of course, part of it could be our fault of not giving them someone to honor -- as an absent parent or one who is not living an exemplary life. Are we being "honorable?"

What frustrates me more is when the other half of this passage is overlooked -- the parents' part -- not exasperating the children and training them in the way of the Lord. That's where many are falling short. I see many parents who demand respect from their children but don't give any back. They bark at them, order them around, but forget they are people with feelings, ideas, dreams, too. There is a fine line in maintaining as a parent that we are the authority figure and becoming an overbearing dictator. I hope I at least listen to my children and respect their opinions. And if I am remaining filled with the Spirit, I can live in a gentle attitude of caring and training, rather than bossing and rebuking. How I act as a parent is what is going to stick with my child for the rest of their life. And they will probably parent there children in the same way. So to put it in perspective, how do I want my grandchildren parented? With bullying and bossiness or respect and gentle instruction.

I know the legacy I want to leave my children. Lord, help me to live that out each day. I want to raise my children purposefully, not out of frustration or because of how their behavior reflects on me. Holy Spirit, guide my words, instruction, and attitude so my children see more of You and know the true way to live. Thank You for the privilege of discipling three amazing people to serve You.

Further Thoughts:

1. What does the Old Testament have to say on the raising of children? (Using a concordance, look up "child" and "children." Especially note verses in Proverbs and Deuteronomy.)
2. What value did Jesus put on children? Support with Scripture.
3. Do you react or respond to your children? Which way is more like Christ? (Support with examples from Christ's life.)
4. What part of our "old self" can get tied up in our parenting? What results from that?
5. What is the implied differences between an "authority" and a "boss?" Which is more productive and why?