1 Peter 3:1-7 "Marriage Attributes"

Read 1 Peter 3:1-7.

"... purity and reverence,...gentle and quiet spirit...considerate,... with respect...." NIV

It's almost as if Peter is giving a formula for a great marriage. Look at the attributes I pulled out of this passage. 

purity and reverence: How we should live out our Christian life. Holiness and a reverence for the mightiness and awesomeness of God. Our God view affects everything in our life -- the way we worship, the way we do our jobs, how we parent, and how we have relationships. Therefore, this is where we begin in having a great marriage -- with our relationship with God.

gentle and quiet spirit: I am constantly working on this one. It does not come naturally to me. I have always admired older women (I mean in their 80s) who are so gentle and quiet that every time they do speak, you stop and listen because you just know words of wisdom are going to come out. Maybe if I keep surrendering my mouth and opinions to the Lord long enough, by the time I'm 80 I'll be that woman. In the meantime, I keep surrendering away. However, my marriage won't wait until I'm 80, so I must keep a reign on my tongue and temper. I must by God's power and Spirit, maintain a gentle spirit.

considerate: One of the things (of many) that my husband has taught me is if you take the time to meet other people's needs, your needs will be met. You don't have to always go after your needs. Giving to another person will bring about a reciprocal relation where they give back to you.

with respect: Respect is huge in a marriage and I think one of the hardest attributes to maintain. Here is a person that you know the best of anyone in the world. And your love and desire for them to succeed is great. You want them to always come out on top in whatever they try. So you tend to see not only all their strengths, but their weaknesses, as well. And since we are so familiar with one another, you automatically believe you have the right to point out those weaknesses. Hopefully, your motivation is because you want them to excel. Sometimes, it's because you are ashamed of them or feel superior to them. The caution is, you are not perfect, and they know your weaknesses, too. In a marriage, the same grace that Christ afforded to you so freely should be given to those we love and are closest to. Grace is probably the greatest forms of respect we can ever give.

Lord, first, help my relationship with you to be holy and reverent. Then through Your Spirit's filling of a gentle and quiet spirit, help me to be considerate and respectful of my husband. I commit, once again, my marriage to You.

Further Thoughts:

1. Look up the definition of each of the key words in this passage. Then find more Scriptures on each.
   
2. How did Queen Esther exemplify these attributes?
   
3. Which attribute do you already do well? Which attribute do you need to especially work on this week? 
   
4. Click on the label for this post of "the tongue." Read on ways we are to guard our tongue. How's does this apply to a great marriage?

James 4:11-12. "Watch Your Words"

Read James 4:11-12.

"Brothers, do not slander one another." NIV

If you read yesterday's post before I changed it, this passage was lumped in. I've since pulled it out to deal with separately as it seems to deserve it's own post.

Slandering one another and thus judging them is a way of placing ourselves in judgement over them. When we do so, are we not placing ourselves in a sense above God if not at least equal to Him? Is that not what Lucifer did and was subsequently kicked out of heaven for? We must be careful to deal with our fellow brother with the grace that was afforded to us, not with bad-mouthing and degrading comments to others about them.

I don't believe this passage is talking about consequences of being sinned against by a brother or about biblical discipline. First, being sinned against causes great pain from trust being broken. If the offender is repentant, then over time that trust can be rebuilt and the relationship restored. However, during that time, both parties must not speak out against the other and try to destroy their reputation among others but keep their counsel to themselves.

Secondly, Scripture is very clear about those who profess to believe and yet choose to blantantly sin without any notion of or progression toward change. Read 1 Corinthians 5:1-13. Paul makes it very clear that the those who choose to live in their sin are to be put out of the church body and handed "over to Satan, so that the sinful nature may be destroyed and his spirit saved on the day of the Lord." This is an active discipline of the church and not considered slander for there is evidence of wrong doing and continued activity in it by choice. Therefore, it is not a matter of judging one another but of adherring to the standards that God set for us to follow as His children.

If they choose to walk in their sinful ways, then being part of the body, not as a seeker, but as one who claims to be a devoted Christ-follower, is not an option. Not only do they spit in the face of Christ by their choices, but their sin infiltrates the body like yeast working through the dough. A Christian must always work toward eradicating sin from their life, not courting it. Tolerating the sin will only push them farther from the presense of God by their disobedience.

But even while guiding a believer through biblical discipline, we must exercise restraint in talking against them. Slander will not help them in being restored to the fold, and your heart will be tainted by your judgmental attitude.

Further Thoughts:

1. What is the different actions taken by the church concerning an immoral believer versus an immoral non-believer?
2. How is vs. 11-12 related to the earlier passage in James 3:1-11?
3. Look for other passages either on the "tongue," "gossip," or "church discipline."
4. How does living in humility before God help us to keep a reign on our tongue?

James 3:1-12 "The Tongue"

Read James 3:1-12.

"Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be." NIV

It's really hard for me to do this lesson from this perspective. I'm getting ready to go to my Bible study and speak on the power of speaking the Word of God -- taking biblical authority. But I suppose the main difference here is what we are speaking. The tongue is a powerful organ which can be used for good or for evil. It can create or tear down. Build or destroy. So we must choose our words carefully -- not be so quick to speak.

I think that is something that has been heavily impressed on me lately -- the quickness with which we speak. In the past, people used to take time before speaking. They'd think through their words and make every one of them meaningful. (Of course, there is the whole respect for others and for education thing, too. But that's another subject.) But now it seems to be the norm to speak your stream of conscious. And somehow in whatever I'm spewing, something halfway intelligent or useful will come out. (Of course, I'm one to talk. That's basically my blogspot. ;-)However, I do reread before posting.)

If I'd take more time before speaking, what would happen? I'd have time to listen to the Lord's direction. My words would be wiser and more thought out. I could stop myself from mindless criticism or speaking hurtful words. I could be more purposeful in my conversations.

Lord, guard my tongue. Pause my speech so I have time to hear Your voice guiding me in wisdom. May my words lift up and not tear down, build and not destroy.

Further Thoughts:

1. Does your tongue get you into trouble or do you have a handle on it? Explain.
2. Do you have a plan for guarding your tongue? If you don't, come up with one.
3. Consciously spend an entire day without saying one negative or demeaning thing.
4. Is there a correlation between pausing before speaking and good things coming out of our mouths? Can you find other Scripture to support your conclusion?

Proverbs 18:4 and James 1-4 "Wellspring of Wisdom"

The Lord (through a conversation with my mentor) is taking me on a field trip today so I'm not in the book of Matthew. Will return there tomorrow. For today, if you want to join me, look at Proverbs 18:4.

"The words of a man's mouth are deep waters, but the fountain of wisdom is a bubbling brook." NIV

The King James Version says: "The words of a man's mouth are as deep waters, and the wellspring of wisdom as a flowing brook."

The Hebrew word for "wellspring" is maqowr which means "spring, fountain spring of source of life, joy, purification (fig.)" (Strong's Concordance)

The Matthew Henry Commentary says this about this verse:
"The similitudes here seem to be elegantly transposed. 1. The well-spring of wisdom is as deep waters. An intelligent knowing man has in him a good treasure of useful things, which furnishes him with something to say upon all occasions that is pertinent and profitable. This is as deep waters, which make no noise, but never run dry. 2. The words of such a man’s mouth are as a flowing brook. What he sees cause to speak flows naturally from him and with a great deal of ease, and freedom, and natural fluency; it is clean and fresh, it is cleansing and refreshing; from his deep waters there flows what there is occasion for, to water those about him, as the brooks do the low grounds."

This passage's notes point to James 3:17 which says "But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere." NIV

As I read more around the James passage, I am drawn to read the whole book - especially 1:2-8, 1:19-27, 3:1-18 and 4:6-10.

As I see it, we must first, through spending time with our Lord, increase our wisdom, not knowledge, wisdom. Then from this never ending, calm, deep water flows the healing waters of our words to benefit those around us and glorify God. Bad words escape quickly, even good words can come from a shallow pool, but the healing truth will flow from the things we have allowed God to cultivate deep within us.

Further Thoughts:

1. Is a well-spring of wisdom coming out of your mouth/heart? If not, what is hindering it?
2. How do we increase our wellspring of wisdom? Certainly studying God's Word and applying it to our life is the starting point. A wonderful book I'm reading right now is "Divine Mentor" by Wayne Cordeiro. He speaks a lot to increasing our wisdom.
3. Ask the Lord to show you anything that may be hindering the wellspring of wisdom from flowing freely from you. Is it anger, bitterness, lust, selfish ambition, envy? Ask Him; He will show you.