Colossians 3:18-19 "Submit and Love"

Read Colossians 3:18-19.

"...submit....love...." NIV

How very fitting that I come to this verse on Jim and my 24th anniversary. As I see marriages all around me struggling, I am so thankful to have a husband that loves God first, and then totally loves me second, and only me. And I give the same back to him. The prevalence of promiscuity and adultery in society in general is horrible. But those not under the law are not required to submit to the law. What is truly sickening are the numbers living in sexual sin and destroying their marriages who are professing Christians. It grieves my heart. But my ranting, although true, is getting ahead of the Scripture.

Wives, submit to your husbands: I'm not sure why people have a difficult time with this one. I suppose desire for control or lack of respect for the husband has a great deal to do with it. Also, if you are married to an unbeliever I can see situations where submission would be very difficult. Paul expands on this thought in Ephesians 5:22-24. He states that the husband is over the wife as Christ is over the Church. The way I read that, my husband has a much tougher job leading me like Christ leads the Church than I have submitting to his authority and leadership. What a responsibility. My entire well-being and future is placed on my husband's shoulders. That's a heavy weight to carry. The antonym of "submit" is "fight." I don't want to fight my husband. A union that is fighting is a civil war. What marriage could survive under those conditions? We should be fighting for our marriages, not against them.

Now here's why submitting is so easy. Read the husband's responsibility. Love your wives. Again, Paul expounds on that thought in much greater detail in Ephesians 5:25-33. He is required out of his love to make me holy by leading us in the Word. Our sinlessness is partially his responsibility. He is to guide me to the holy life that God requires and protect me from sin. A husband is to love his wife like he loves his own body - feeding her, caring for her. The entire duties of a husband to his wife reflect the relationship of Christ and the Church. What a job and burden to carry out. These are times I am so glad I am a woman. Of course, I know that I have an amazing husband to follow, and I don't take that for granted. If only all men and women could realize that if they would just take on the responsibility God gave them, marriages would not be falling apart and families would be saved.

Lord, a horrible plague is attacking our marriages. Show us how to live out the sacred covenant You have designed and to keep it holy. Lord, we desperately need Your help and guidance now.

Further Thoughts:

1. The first line of defense in our marriages is our own commitment to the Lord. Are you walking with God in full devotion. He wants completely surrender in all areas of your life, not just the convenient ones. Let Him have everything.
2. Secondly, are you being the spouse that God called you to be? What needs working on? How are you going to make a change? Do you need tools or accountability? Get them!
3. If I had to boil down marriage into one word it would be "selflessness." If you give all of yourself to a person that loves you, you will receive back all you need. Placing each other second only to God is His only plan.
4. See also my blog on the marriage passage in Ephesians.
   

1 Peter 3:1-7 "Marriage Attributes"

Read 1 Peter 3:1-7.

"... purity and reverence,...gentle and quiet spirit...considerate,... with respect...." NIV

It's almost as if Peter is giving a formula for a great marriage. Look at the attributes I pulled out of this passage. 

purity and reverence: How we should live out our Christian life. Holiness and a reverence for the mightiness and awesomeness of God. Our God view affects everything in our life -- the way we worship, the way we do our jobs, how we parent, and how we have relationships. Therefore, this is where we begin in having a great marriage -- with our relationship with God.

gentle and quiet spirit: I am constantly working on this one. It does not come naturally to me. I have always admired older women (I mean in their 80s) who are so gentle and quiet that every time they do speak, you stop and listen because you just know words of wisdom are going to come out. Maybe if I keep surrendering my mouth and opinions to the Lord long enough, by the time I'm 80 I'll be that woman. In the meantime, I keep surrendering away. However, my marriage won't wait until I'm 80, so I must keep a reign on my tongue and temper. I must by God's power and Spirit, maintain a gentle spirit.

considerate: One of the things (of many) that my husband has taught me is if you take the time to meet other people's needs, your needs will be met. You don't have to always go after your needs. Giving to another person will bring about a reciprocal relation where they give back to you.

with respect: Respect is huge in a marriage and I think one of the hardest attributes to maintain. Here is a person that you know the best of anyone in the world. And your love and desire for them to succeed is great. You want them to always come out on top in whatever they try. So you tend to see not only all their strengths, but their weaknesses, as well. And since we are so familiar with one another, you automatically believe you have the right to point out those weaknesses. Hopefully, your motivation is because you want them to excel. Sometimes, it's because you are ashamed of them or feel superior to them. The caution is, you are not perfect, and they know your weaknesses, too. In a marriage, the same grace that Christ afforded to you so freely should be given to those we love and are closest to. Grace is probably the greatest forms of respect we can ever give.

Lord, first, help my relationship with you to be holy and reverent. Then through Your Spirit's filling of a gentle and quiet spirit, help me to be considerate and respectful of my husband. I commit, once again, my marriage to You.

Further Thoughts:

1. Look up the definition of each of the key words in this passage. Then find more Scriptures on each.
   
2. How did Queen Esther exemplify these attributes?
   
3. Which attribute do you already do well? Which attribute do you need to especially work on this week? 
   
4. Click on the label for this post of "the tongue." Read on ways we are to guard our tongue. How's does this apply to a great marriage?

Matthew 19:1-12 "The Life of Marriage"

Read Matthew 19:1-12.

"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh....Therefore, what God has joined together, let man not separate." NIV

Two words I want to pull out of here -- "united" ("joined" in the NASB) and "flesh."

"Joined" in the Greek is kollao:
to glue, to glue together, cement, fasten together
to join or fasten firmly together
to join one's self to, cleave to

A man and a woman are spiritually glued together. It's a cemented bond done through a covenant ceremony. Whenever you glue to things together, you do not do it with the purpose of separating them. Your purpose is to have them bonded permanantly. If is was just a temporary bond, you'd use duck tape. But glue forms a seal between the two items that unites them into one.

Sarx is the Greek word for "flesh":
flesh (the soft substance of the living body, which covers the bones and is permeated with blood) of both man and beasts

So many analogies to marriage can be taken from the use of the word flesh. Our flesh is the most vulnerable part of our body. Even though it usually can't be pulled apart, it can suffer from sharp objects tearing at it, punctures, and hard falls. All these can cause a rip in the flesh. In the same way, the flesh of the marriage can be injured by outside things poking and prodding at it. The question is are we protecting our flesh from the hazards that can harm it?

The flesh is also what covers the skeleton. In a marriage, the skeleton is our family. The bond of our marriage protects the very foundation of our family, covers it, holds it together as one unit. The question -- is our marriage protecting the framework of our family? And isn't it the framework that protects the vital organs -- the very souls of our family?

Lastly, flesh is permeated with blood. Blood is a source of life; it pumps throughout the entire body. If any part of the body is not receiving blood, it will die. Jesus is the Source of our life. If any part of our marriage is not filled with the life He gives, that part will die. Here's where the analogy breaks down -- with a body, you can amputate the dead part. With a marriage, if any part of it dies, eventually, that part it will affect all of the flesh and kill the marriage. Fortunately, our marriages are not exactly like a body. The healing power of Jesus Christ can restore the dead parts and make the body whole again. Our marriages do not have to limp around in a slow death dragging along dead parts. We can seek healing through the living blood of Jesus Christ.

Further Thoughts:

1. Research some Old Testament marriages. What made them strong? What were their weaknesses?
2. Study up on an Old Testament covenant. What does it entail?
3. Research other passages on marriage. List the characteristics of a biblical marriage.
4. Who do you know that has a strong marriage? Ask them what makes their marriage strong. If their answers are based on biblical principles, how can you apply them to your marriage? (Never apply a principle to your marriage that is not biblically sound.)

Matthew 5:31-32 "The Marriage Covenant, Part 2"

"It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.' But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery." NIV

Again Jesus takes a stricter stance on the law than the actual law states. He sets the bar higher and unfortunately, the numbers reaching that marriage bar, even among Christians and pastors, is falling dangerously low. I am a child of divorce, and I have divorce all around me with family and friends. I wrote on June 10th about marriages, but must focus more this time on the covenant of marriage.

In the Old Testament, a covenant between any two people really meant something. It was absolutely binding and many of the rituals the two people went through are some of the same rituals we use today in a wedding ceremony. The agreement was so binding that even their very identity was exchanged so they were forever inseparable from one another between themselves and to everyone around them. That is how the marriage covenant is supposed to be - forever binding. A promise that is to never be broken, in any way, for any reason. Now I understand that Jesus allows marital unfaithfulness, but what pains me is when the Christian spouse is the one being maritally unfaithful. I want to scream, "Zip up your pants and start focusing on the person you chose to spend a lifetime with! It's not that difficult, just a matter of a little selflessness is all."

The moral foundation of our society goes as the marriages go. God designed a format of one man and one woman forever for a very important reason -- it's the only one that works. I don't always agree with my husband on everything; I don't always like his little habits. I don't wake up every single morning saying, "I am so excited to be married to this man!!!!" (Well, most mornings, but not every morning.;-) But I am committed to remaining with him and only him for my entire life, and I want to know what's wrong with that? Why are we so alone in that decision? Has everyone found a better pattern than God's to follow? I've sure not seen repercussions that make those other options appear more successful or desirable. I chose to be in covenant with my husband and that is where I'll remain.

Lord God, heal our marriages. Turn our eyes away from other options and away from our selfish desires and direct them toward the person we have committed our life to. Bind us together, Lord, with cords that cannot be broken.

Further Thoughts:

1. For more on the Old Testament blood covenant, read Jim Garlow's book, The Covenant.
2. Look up other Scriptures on divorce. Compare and contrast them with Scriptures on marriage.
3. Is your marriage struggling? Look at two fronts -- your personal walk with God and your level of selfishness or self-focus. You can't control your spouse's commitment, but you can control yours. If needed, try to get your spouse to go to counseling with you. It's never too late.
4. If you are preparing to get married, pray and consider long and hard. A covenant is forever. Are you ready to make that binding commitment?

Ephesians 5:22-33 "The Covenant of Marriage"

"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church -- for we are members of his body. 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' This is a profound mystery -- but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." NIV

I am profoundly saddened by the number of affairs and breakups going on in Christian marriages all around me. I can't tell you how many have happened just in the last year. And it begins with one or both of them consciously or unconsciously turning away from these commands God has clearly placed on the marriage relationship. And it's not all that hard to keep these promises -- submit and love. Be committed and do not turn away from that commitment. Period. No options, no plan B, no "if it works out." You make it work out! And if you have a "conciliatory attitude," you can make it work.

So where does it all begin to fall apart? How do we avoid that first pull away? Go back to the command in verse 18, "...be filled with the Spirit." If we are living in our new self and putting off the old self, if we are living to please God, if we are living "not as unwise but as wise," if we seek God's will daily and are filled with the Spirit, then we can build a relationship of love and submission that is lasting and reflects the love that Christ has for His church. That is one strong bond that no one can tear apart.

Further Thoughts:

1. Read Genesis 2:18-24 -- the first marriage. What was unique about Adam and Eve's marriage that is symbolic of the marriage covenant?
2. What is the correlation between the success of our marriage and our daily walk with the Lord?
3. Read Hosea 1-3. Here is the story of a marriage that symbolizes the love Christ has for His bride, the church. What can we learn from Hosea for our marriages? List the attributes of Hosea. For a contemporary novel based on Hosea, read Francine Rivers' book, Redeeming Love.
4. Read 1 Corinthians 13 again and spend time thanking the Lord for the spouse you have the privilege of loving and ask Him to help you to love even better.
5. Is your marriage hanging on by a thread? Humble yourself before the Lord, confess and ask forgiveness for your part of the problem, pray for your spouse, and be sure you stay right with the Lord every day. You can't control your spouse's spiritual walk, but you can control yours. Remain humbled before the Master and be filled with His Spirit. Love and submit to your spouse.