"Trust" in Relationships

Jim and I were talking about relationships the other day and the word trust came up. So I was just wondering today what The Word has to say about trust as it pertains to relationships. I looked at well over 150 verses and here is what I found.

Most Scriptures are about trusting in God and His Word as our only source of strength, truth, and hope.

The second highest listing is about what not to trust in. These are some of them: emptiness, extortion, princes, man, deceptive words, neighbor, close friend, lover, oppression, perverseness, brother, bow/sword, flesh, cities, your works, your treasures, riches, your own mind. Some of the items are bad things and understandably something I should not trust in. But others.....man, friend, lover? Am I not to trust in these? So I dug further....

These are the only verses I found that said you are to trust another person: Proverbs 3:29 (neighbor), Proverbs 31:11(husband trusting his wife), 1 Chronicles 9:22 (gateskeepers - office of trust), Hebrews 13:4 (honor the marriage bed). [Granted, there may be more, but this is what my search on YouVersion.com revealed. A study of the original language would be more accurate.]

I thought this was very revealing. We are to trust in God and basically Him alone. He is our only source of strength, hope, needs being met, comfort, security, absolute truth. Our confidence placed anywhere but in Him is on rocky ground. He alone makes me steadfast and purposeful in the short life I have been given in this world. And trusting in anything else will be my downfall because everyone and everything in my life at one time or another will disappoint and/or fail me. And I them. All of us are imperfect beings and cannot help but fail at one time or another. God is the only one who will never come up short.

Now, here's the catch. Although the Scriptures do not have many verses about trusting others, it does say that we are to be trustworthy and faithful. Look at Proverbs 11:13 (confidence keeper), Proverbs 13:17 (messenger), Luke 16:11 (in wealth), Proverbs 8:6 (in speech), Exodus 18:21 (as men of integrity) and 1 Timothy 1:12 "I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me trustworthy, appointing me to his service." God found Timothy trustworthy.

Here is the key: while our trust is to be in God alone, we are to live as a reflection of His trustworthiness. How we will live, work, play, and speak should be above reproach as He is above reproach. We are to live so others can trust in us. I am to love others -- that is a commandment. And I must do so with all my heart -- providing grace, hope, and help, believing in who they are striving to become -- and thus, being trustworthy. Choosing to love others is an act dependent upon my heart. Trusting others is depending on their heart. God's heart is the only one I can truly rely upon.

Where is our trust placed? in people? possessions? routines? jobs? titles? reputation? Or in our God? We must choose.

Further Thoughts:

1. Do a word study on trustworthy and faithful.
2. How would my life be different if I completely trusted God and lived as a reflection of His trustworthiness?
3. What do I need to change in my thought pattern and actions to trust God more?
4. Do I currently reflect trustworthiness? If yes, in what ways? If no, why not?
5. How can I become more trustworthy?

Father, I have put my trust in many things in my life. Some have been faithful and some haven't. Forgive me Father. I recommit to trusting in You alone. Help me to reflect Your amazing trustworthiness. Change in me what needs to change. And strengthen and solidify those areas I am already doing well. Amen.

Revelation 21:3 "Relationships Are the Only Thing That Lasts"

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God.” ~Revelation 21:3

Here’s a perspective that maybe you have never considered. The only thing that lasts for eternity is our relationships. Think about it for a minute. For all the hours and hours of our life we spend earning money so we can buy “stuff,” none of it will be going with us when we leave this earth. No cars, houses, boats, Harleys, clothes, I-Pods, cell phones, nothing will be joining us in eternity. The only thing we will have from this life is our relationships. And how we spend our time here will determine the depth and breadth of those relationships.

Wayne Cordero gave an illustration at a conference a few years ago. He said to imagine a rope stretched out in front of you going to your left for eternity and to your right for eternity. The rope represents Time. Then take a pin and make a small scratch on the rope. That represents your life on this earth in relation to all of eternity. How will you spend your minutely short time here? Will it be focused on collecting “stuff” that will rot away, or in building relationships that will be forever? It’s your choice.

Further Thoughts:

1. Read Revelation 22:1-5, then take an inventory of your life? How are you spending your time?
2. Now determine what percentage of your time is spent on building relationships – both with the ones you have now and toward leading more people to know Christ through relationships with not-yet believers.
3. We all have to earn money to live, but are there some changes in priorities that you should making? If yes, what are they? [Or, with whom do you need to be building relationships?]
4. Why are relationships so important to God? [HINT: What was the reason God created the world to begin with?

Father, open my heart to people – all people. Help me to focus on relationships more than things. I want to keep my priorities in line with Yours and focus on what will last. Amen.

Deuteronomy 7:9 "God Created Us For a Love Relationship With Him.

“Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands.” ~Deuteronomy 7:9

All throughout the Old Testament, we have evidence of God’s desire to have a relationship with us, His Beloved. He created man and woman and even walked through the Garden of Eden with them. But when they chose to disobey God, the relationship was broken. From that point on God continually reaches out to His creation and a pattern ensues. Man gets himself into trouble; God rescues him; man lives in relationship with God for a time; then man turns to his own ways again. We see this tragic course repeated again and again, and it continues to this day. God has revealed Himself to mankind over the last six thousand years, and yet we still are the ones to arrogantly walk away from His love and grace.

God designed mankind to have a relationship with him. He wants to be in, around, and through our daily lives. His wisdom, guidance, and perspective so surpass our measly little view. Through God we have the broad vision of the Almighty Creator of the Universe. And in return, all He asks for is our love – true love.

Further Thoughts:

1. Do you have a relationship with God? Is it consistent, or do you keep turning away and He has to wait patiently for you to return? Explain.
2. Have you ever experienced anything close to unconditional love? If yes, what characterized that relationship?
3. Read the book of Hosea in the Old Testament. It’s a beautiful love story that illustrates God’s unconditional love for us. What do you learn most from this story?
4. In what way have you seen God evidence His desire for a relationship with mankind?

Father, thank You for Your unconditional love. My heart desires to stay in tune with our relationship. Guide me in doing my part. Amen.

Colossians 4:7-11 "Reconciliation"

Read Colossians 4:7-11.

"My fellow prisoner Aristarchus sends you his greetings, as does Mark, the cousin of Barnabas." NIV

Paul is giving his final greetings as he closes this letter to the church at Colosse. Casually read, no lessons may seem to pop out from these last twelve verses. However, I've found six lessons I think we will focus on over the next few days. It's amazing what you can learn from goodbyes.

Paul sends greetings from Mark. Now what is interesting about this is Paul and Mark had a fallout previously. You see Mark referred to as Mark, John Mark, and John. They are all the same person that wrote the second gospel, Mark, and is the cousin of Barnabas. If you look in Acts 13:13, John Mark leaves the missionary group to go back to Jerusalem. There is speculation about his reasons for leaving. Some think he left because he was homesick for Jerusalem, while others believe it was because of change of the plan due to Paul's illness or change of leadership from Barnabas to Paul. Whatever the reason was, Paul seems to have taken it personally. In Acts 15:37-40 Paul and Barnabas get into a disagreement about Mark joining them. Paul is so against Mark coming because "he had deserted them in Pamphylia" that Barnabas takes Mark and goes one way while Paul takes Silas and goes another.

They have obviously worked out their differences by the writing of this letter and also the letter to Philemon, where Paul sends his greetings from Mark. In fact, five years later in 2 Timothy 4:11, Paul instructs Timothy to "get Mark and bring him with you, because he is helpful to me in my ministry."

So what do we learn from this relationship between Paul and Mark? Three things -- sometimes others will seem to desert us; some will work to restore relationships; there is always the hope of reconciliation.

One thing I've learned in the ministry is that because people are at various levels of commitment to Christ, some will stay through thick and thin and some will go. Mark obviously was struggling on some level. Maybe he and Paul had a personality conflict or maybe he really was homesick. Some people will just push through the personal feelings to accomplish the mission. But not everyone is capable of or at the right place in their life to do that. And we as believers need to give the grace needed at that time for them to work through their "stuff."

Barnabas (the Encourager) worked hard to restore Paul and Mark's relationship. He defended Mark and tried to show Paul the value of bringing him along. But Paul had lost some trust in Mark and his devotion to the mission. I can't blame Paul. Having been "burned" before, I can understand not wanting to jump into the fire again. But sometimes, we need to listen to those around us to give us a better, less personal, perspective on a situation. Barnabas was that voice. But Paul needed more time.

We don't know how the reconciliation happened, but by this letter and the letter to Philemon, Mark was back to work with Paul as a valued ministry partner. There is always hope to reconcile a relationship if both parties are willing to compromise a little. Paul needed to afford a little more grace, and Mark needed to step up to the plate. Evidently, they met in the middle. For those of us who are all about the ministry at whatever cost, it's difficult to give grace to those who just don't seem to get it. Sacrifice is always involved to accomplish something worthwhile, and self-centered thinking will get in the way every time. On the other hand, we need to let people walk their own journey -- some taking longer than others. Hopefully, somewhere down the line, we are working together for the common goal of the kingdom. It will just take patience and perseverance to get there.

Further Thoughts:

1. Read through the various passages sited, as well as, some of the book of Mark to get a better perspective on the situation.
2. Are you sold out to the mission of Christ or still dragging your heels? You will not find a perfect ministry, but you can determine to work hard, remain loyal, and stay true to the ministry you are in. The main goal is reaching people for Christ. Everything else is superfluous.
3. Do you have a conflict with someone in leadership over you? Go to them and talk it out. One part of the body cannot fight another part and the body survive.
4. Are you struggling with dealing with uncommitted believers? Ask God for more grace and then go bring that person alongside of you. Mentor them into a stronger relationship with God and the mission of the Church.

1 Peter 3:8-12 "Good Over Evil"

Read 1 Peter 3:8-12.

"He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it." NIV

Peter speaks a lot about purity and turning away from evil. He talks about it in our relationship with God, with the authorities over us, in our marriages, and now in our relationships with each other. He admonishes us to do good, not evil. 

What are ways we can have good relationships?

Live in harmony with one another: This kind of living requires looking out for the other person more than you look out for yourself. I just finished The Shack. Although I don't agree with everything in the book, it's a great read and thoughtful concepts on the Trinity and our place in the world. But in the book, the Trinity work together so beautifully because there is no power struggle. They are each looking out for the other's interests. That is the kind of relationship we should be having with one another.

Be sympathetic: I see grace coming in here. Whether it's sympathy for someone going through a hard time and needing comforting or it's ignoring harsh words directed at us and not about us. Again, this takes not saying to yourself, "What did I do to deserve that?" But trying to see life from another person's perspective and really understanding what they are going through. This one's tough because we tend to look at life through our eyes only. But a follower of Christ saved by grace needs to be denying self and extending grace whenever possible. Sympathy for a brother's situation is the beginning of building a strong relationship.

Love as brothers: Family. The body of Christ is a family. We watch out for family. We love them dearly. Even the most distant cousin is not a stranger to us -- they're family.

Be compassionate and humble: Here is where guarding the tongue can come in. Often we want to lash out with judgment against one another's actions or attitudes. It's easy to do. When we are not in the situation, our perspective can be clearer in distinguishing God's ways from man's ways. But with compassion and humility, we guard our tongue and speak in love and gentleness to one another. It doesn't mean we never speak "truth" into one another's lives. That is needed in a family. But it is done out of love and humility, not frustration and anger. Your brother may lash out at you, but never repay "evil for evil or insult with insult, but with a blessing."

Turning from evil and doing good is not easy. Only through the power of the Father can we walk humble and pure lives for His glory. Resist the power struggle. Shun the selfish desires. Put away the "me" filter and see others the way God sees them.

Further Thoughts:

1. Every time I want to find an exemplary person in the OT for doing good and for not repaying evil for evil I always come back to Joseph. He was an amazing man and knew how to live relationships through every step of his life -- wherever he was at. (Well, once he got past bragging to his brothers that they would one day bow down to him. But he was just a naive kid then. He had to grow up fast.) Reread about Joseph and list the relationships he had and how he exemplified a holy lifestyle.
   
2. Is there someone or someones you have difficulty relating to. Pray for them and try applying the above principles for one week. Then record what happens.