It's All About Relationships

"Jesus replied: 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and Prophets hang on these two commandments." Matthew 22:37-40 NIV

The greatest relationship we will ever have is with our Father. No other relationship should ever come before the intimacy we have committed to develop between us and our Creator. We have chosen to become His follower, and our complete being needs to be focused on total surrender to a love relationship with the Father. But we do not live on an island. Every day we are developing human relationships. As we consider the relationships we build in our earthly lives, we have to begin here -- "Love your neighbor as yourself." To be a commandment second only to loving God with your entire being states that how we handle relationships is a vital aspect of our social existence designed by our Creator. We cannot dismiss them and neither can we address them half-heartedly. Both reactions negate the importance God has placed on relationships.

This is a challenge for me. As an introvert, I am drained by people. Don't get me wrong; I love being with people. It's just that I must integrate "me" time into my day to recharge. That can tend to lean me towards selfishness. I will plan out my day to balance people time and recharge time. Unfortunately, the enemy will use this to his advantage and tempt me with an abundance of alone time to the detriment of time with people.When all is said and done, I am making life about my comfort rather than meeting other's needs.

Don't get me wrong; boundaries are not a bad thing. Balance is good as well. But when it is used as an excuse, it can become a hindrance to following the Father's commands.

So relationship-building requires selfless love for others. With the same intensity that I am protecting my personal time, I must love on others for I am to love my neighbor as myself. Obviously, I am loving myself all too well. I must work on loving others better.

But what does it mean to love others and who are our neighbors? I had a wonderful step-dad. Raymond loved everyone. There wasn't a person he would meet that he did not thoroughly cherish. And since he was a man who lived in the "now" in everything he did, he would take time for anyone, anytime, anywhere. I never knew someone who could make genuine friends of their co-workers and the mailman. He simply oozed time for one-on-one conversation. I say conversation, but his "conversations" consisted of asking a question and listening to the other person's answer with complete rapt attention. And then his entire body would reflect the emotion most empathetic with the speaker. If they were recounting something joyful, Ray was joyful. If they were sad, Ray was sad with them. If angry, he provided calm. If frightened, he gave safety. His entire focus was on other people and their needs -- any person his life came in contact with.

A week after Ray passed away, there was a knock on my mom's door. There stood a twenty-something girl holding a potted flower. "I just heard that Mr. Wells passed away," she said. "I had to find out where he lived and come to tell you how sorry I am and how much I will miss him." The young woman was the check-out girl where he bought his groceries.

That must be how Jesus walked on the earth -- completely focused on others. Attentive. Sympathetic. Helpful. Listening. Responding. Empathetic. Compassionate. With a selfless love.

Further Thoughts:

1. If I am to love others as myself, in what ways do I love myself?
2. List the ways Jesus showed love to others.
3. How did Jesus find balance between his own needs and meeting the needs of others?
4. What is hindering me from loving others like Jesus did?
5. What is one change I need to make today to better love those around me?

Lord, forgive me for my selfish ways. Show me today how to love better. Open my eyes to other's needs. Open my ears to their heart's cry. Teach me to love Your kids as You love Your kids.

1 John 3:11-24 "Selfless Love"

Read 1 John 3:11-24.

"Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." NIV

John wraps up this section with a "So what?" So love one another like Christ showed love to us. People all around us today are hurting -- physically, emotionally, and spiritually. There are so many more hurts than "Band-Aids" to fix them. Sometimes, it can seem really overwhelming. There are some people who can think globally and start organizations that help many people at one time. Not all of us are equipped to do that. But we all can love one person at a time. Today, in this moment, I can make a difference for this one.

I thought I knew how to love people and that I was actually doing it. But I was wrong. I have always been a bit of a hermit. Being an introvert, spending time with people exhausts me. I have to plan in alone time afterwards just to recharge. Therefore, I tend to limit a lot of "people" time. God is teaching me the selfishness of that thinking. He is all about people and therefore so should I.

The Lord has strongly been working on this with me over the past 6 months or so. But it really came home when my mom died. I shared back then about what it meant for me to have so many people praying for me during those last 10 days with Mom. I literally felt the prays holding me up like I have never felt others' prayers before. Then the outpouring of sympathy and love was overwhelming. It truly showed me the value of "being there" for others. Well, I couldn't walk away from being the recipient of such love and not find ways to give back.

Since then, the Lord has really opened my eyes to people and their needs. He's helped me to stop and take the time to really listen and not offer solutions, but to give empathy, a hug, a tear, and a heart melting with another's heart. Don't misunderstand; I've not got this all dialed in. I feel like I'm just taking baby steps. But I know I'm walking in the right direction.

Further Thoughts:

1. Flip through the gospels and review how Jesus saw people's needs and met them. Does this challenge your paradigm of loving others?
   
2. Read this story.
   
3. I know I posted this song recently, but it really fits here. So here it is again. Give Me Your Love by Brandon Heath.
   
4. Have you prayed for God to open your eyes to others' needs? It's an amazing step to take. Just be prepared -- the floodgates will open, and it's messy.

2 Peter 3:1-9 "The Day of the Lord, Part 1"

Read 2 Peter 3:1-9.

"He is patient with you,...." NIV

So often it seems that we go day in and day out, continuing in the same things, the same way. Disasters happen, wars continue, people are born and people die. The stock market rises and falls, the politicians make promises. You go to work, pick up your kids from school, make supper, go to bed and then do it all over again tomorrow. (I sound like a real cynic, but I'm not. There's a point to this.) Life can seem like we are going in a circle that will never end, so why doesn't the Lord just come now and end the drudgery?

I remember when my Mom slipped into a coma three days before she passed away. I wondered, "What now? Lord, just take her. She's already gone from this world." But we were still waiting on my brother to arrive. There was still grieving to do. Still goodbyes to be said. There were still reasons for her to be there -- maybe ones we will never know -- but her days were not finished.

In the same way, God is not finished with this world. There are still people to reach for His kingdom. The one who spoke this world into existence has a reason for it to continue, so we must make the most of the time that is left. Yes, we still go to work and do all the other things that make up our day, but we can touch people's lives while we are doing it. We can love with the love of God -- His Spirit flowing through us if we only allow Him. So many are hurting and we are the only ones who know the Truth of hope. In the meantime, we trust the timing of the One who knows no time. His ways are higher than our ways. 

Further Thoughts: 

1. Research other passages on "time" and "God's patience."
   
2. Do you feel purposeless while you wait for God's return? Are you loving people? Do you have a ministry? Our joy comes through serving the Lord. How are you serving?
   
3. Watch this video by Brandon Heath, "Give Me Your Eyes." 

1 Peter 3:1-7 "Marriage Attributes"

Read 1 Peter 3:1-7.

"... purity and reverence,...gentle and quiet spirit...considerate,... with respect...." NIV

It's almost as if Peter is giving a formula for a great marriage. Look at the attributes I pulled out of this passage. 

purity and reverence: How we should live out our Christian life. Holiness and a reverence for the mightiness and awesomeness of God. Our God view affects everything in our life -- the way we worship, the way we do our jobs, how we parent, and how we have relationships. Therefore, this is where we begin in having a great marriage -- with our relationship with God.

gentle and quiet spirit: I am constantly working on this one. It does not come naturally to me. I have always admired older women (I mean in their 80s) who are so gentle and quiet that every time they do speak, you stop and listen because you just know words of wisdom are going to come out. Maybe if I keep surrendering my mouth and opinions to the Lord long enough, by the time I'm 80 I'll be that woman. In the meantime, I keep surrendering away. However, my marriage won't wait until I'm 80, so I must keep a reign on my tongue and temper. I must by God's power and Spirit, maintain a gentle spirit.

considerate: One of the things (of many) that my husband has taught me is if you take the time to meet other people's needs, your needs will be met. You don't have to always go after your needs. Giving to another person will bring about a reciprocal relation where they give back to you.

with respect: Respect is huge in a marriage and I think one of the hardest attributes to maintain. Here is a person that you know the best of anyone in the world. And your love and desire for them to succeed is great. You want them to always come out on top in whatever they try. So you tend to see not only all their strengths, but their weaknesses, as well. And since we are so familiar with one another, you automatically believe you have the right to point out those weaknesses. Hopefully, your motivation is because you want them to excel. Sometimes, it's because you are ashamed of them or feel superior to them. The caution is, you are not perfect, and they know your weaknesses, too. In a marriage, the same grace that Christ afforded to you so freely should be given to those we love and are closest to. Grace is probably the greatest forms of respect we can ever give.

Lord, first, help my relationship with you to be holy and reverent. Then through Your Spirit's filling of a gentle and quiet spirit, help me to be considerate and respectful of my husband. I commit, once again, my marriage to You.

Further Thoughts:

1. Look up the definition of each of the key words in this passage. Then find more Scriptures on each.
   
2. How did Queen Esther exemplify these attributes?
   
3. Which attribute do you already do well? Which attribute do you need to especially work on this week? 
   
4. Click on the label for this post of "the tongue." Read on ways we are to guard our tongue. How's does this apply to a great marriage?

James 5:19-20 "Loving Confrontation"

"My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins." NIV

This is a tough one because it means the risk of losing a friendship. Today we face so many accusations of "you're judgmental," when in actuality, we are simply living the straight and narrow and can see when someone else wanders off the path. Imagine walking along the edge of a cliff with a small child. You see the child start to make a bee-line toward the edge. What will you do? Say nothing and watch them fall to their death? No, you will scream, lunge, and yank them back to safety. Why? Not because you are so proud to know where the path is and that you are still on it, but because you do not want to lose the one you love.

Now none of us do this walk perfectly, but there are very clear indications that a brother or sister is spitting in the face of God's laws and ways. Certain behaviors and patterns show a lack of surrender to the Lord. How can we idly sit by and watch the enemy get a hold on those we love? How do we balance being a tool of God to help our brother/sister see their sin with a loving heart and attitude?

I suppose we must just do what needs to be done and commit the outcome to the Lord. If our heart's purpose is to truly show love to the body, then out of love we will confront.

Father, give me the love and courage to confront my fellow believer when needed, and help me to graciously and humbly receive rebuke when I have done wrong.

Further Thoughts:

1. Find examples in the Old Testament when one person confronted another? What did they do wrong and/or what did they do right? (Most of the time, God is the confronter. How does He do it?)
2. Is there someone you need to confront about their sin? Pray earnestly for God's Words to flow through you in love and for the other person's heart to be receptive. Tough love is a difficult road, but it is still love.

James 2:1-13 "Mercy Over Judgment"

Read James 2:1-13.

"Mercy triumphs over judgment!" NIV

How often have I been caught in this trap -- judging by appearances and favoring the one that looks better, dresses nicer, smells better. And I was so wrong. Jesus did just the opposite. He was drawn to the down and out, the castaways, the ostracized. Why is that?

I have been praying for some time now that God would allow me to see people as He sees them. That means that I must take the time to look past the outward appearances -- good or bad -- and into their heart which the Father sees. If they are good at masking their heart, I must rely on the Holy Spirit to help me to see the truth. But no matter what I see, I am called to love all people I come in contact with as my neighbor, and thus to love them as I love myself.

So it takes steps, 1) Remembering it's not about me, 2) Seeing past appearances, and 3) Trying to understand who people really are. We must always remember that we are not number one. We so often dwell on how am I looking to others, how will this affect me, am I going to be inconvenienced? I don't matter, what matters are others and their needs. When I received Christ as my Lord I died to self (and continue to die daily.) I must get past me first before I can reach out to others.

If I stay alert, I can get through number two pretty easily. All people are God's creation no matter what situation they are in right now. Lord, help me to not judge others by their appearance.

Accomplishing the third step is a little trickier. Jesus could look at someone and know everything about them. He told the woman at the well how many husbands she had and that she was not married to the man she was living with. I really don't expect the Lord to give me instant information like this although occasionally He does give me insights. So how do I know people for who they really are? How can I know someone who is hidden behind riches or rags?..... Questions. Really good questions.

Since I was a little girl I watched my mom ask really good questions. She could dig into the heart of a situation faster than anyone I knew. It can even start with a "How are you?" But what we must do is listen past the cursory, "Fine." everyone responds with. What's their body language, tone of voice, facial expression? Are they really fine? And most of the time, if I make sure that I really want to know how they are, they sense that and will tell more. If not, I need to probe further. Loving my neighbor as myself means I need to take time to really know them, understand them, hurt and rejoice with them.

Lord, help me not to overlook someone because of their appearances. Help me to see people as You see them. Give me ears to hear their true heart and wisdom to ask the right questions. May all I do come out of a love for You and for Your creation.

Further Thoughts:

1. Which of the three steps do you get hung up on? Why? What can you do to change that?
2. Have you ever thought of favoritism as a sin? Why or why not?
3. Reread the passage of Jesus with the woman at the well. (John 4:1-26) What other passages show Jesus reaching out to the unloved? See Luke 7:36-50 and John 8:1-11.
4. How is showing favoritism related to judging? Search for other Scriptures on "judging."